It's Not You Too
by MBC
Summary: This is a humorous story, please remember to read it with a grain of salt. It's going to continue into a plot and such, but it also has many OOC moments. Read it mostly for fun... And... R&R Please!


Story title: "It's Not You Too"  
  
Disclaimer: Ivan is the only character here copyrighted to me. Other than that, y'all know the rest belong to J.K. Rowling. Oh, and um, neither is Bono, or Madon-, or any of the U2 songs I'm gonna plug in here. Or any other songs really. Don't kill me! I'm not a criminal! Arrrgh!  
  
Comment: Sorry if I got some of the Hogwarts facts mixed up, I've finished the 4th book about a year ago. And I'm lazy like heck.  
  
Rating: I rated it PG because I know myself too well. At some point it'll probably shift up to PG-13.  
  
Pairing: Right now none, but expect some not necessarily hetero action. Mmmk?  
  
Enjoy! And review. Puhlease?  
  
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Ivan desperately tried to reach the stairs to the Gryffindor quarters. He kept rocking from side to side, and only after 10 minutes managed to get there. Snape warned him it'd be difficult, but he never said he'd have to make an utter fool of himself doing so. Some kids were looking at him strangely, and just as he turned to say something to them, he hit on a floor, and looked up, seeing the Fat Lady.  
  
'Finally!' He thought. 'Now, what's the danged password!? Can't believe I forgot it!'  
  
It was then when two boys, about three years older than him, easily took the stairs from one side to the other, and leaned against the rails of the floor.  
  
"Who is that?" Harry whispered to Ron, "I don't remember him."  
  
"No idea, but I saw him earlier, stepping out of Snape's room. What is he doing here? He should be a Slytherin if he talked to that snake." Ron chuckled.  
  
"Shall we ask him?" Harry suggested. The boy was in the midst of yelling at the Fat Lady.  
  
"Umm. Grumbly Grape! Mocking Melon! Tipsy Tomato!" Ivan shouted the last one loud, and then almost gave up, giving it one last chance. "CASTRATED CHEESE!! DAMN IT! LET ME IN!" The Fat Lady didn't budge.  
  
"Need any help with that?" Harry laughed.  
  
"Will you?" Ivan practically begged.  
  
"I might," Harry looked at Ron, who gave him a nod, "but what's your name?"  
  
"Ivan." He tried to smile. "What's yours?"  
  
"Ivan? No last name?" Ron almost burst into laughter with his following words. "Is that like Madon-" Harry put his hand on Ron's mouth before he finished the last word.  
  
"Oh come on Ron, give the boy a break." Harry started to walk towards the picture, "I think it's more like Bono." He then looked at the picture, and at Ivan. "Perky Pineapple." The Fat Lady shifted, and Harry entered, heads first.  
  
"Close!" Ron giggled as he entered himself. Ivan pulled himself in, but just barely, as the Fat Lady gave him a nudge. Soon they were all standing inside, and Harry decided it was some time for questioning.  
  
"I never heard of letting new students in, in the middle of the year." He then started observing Ivan's visage. He was pretty short, but he also looked younger, so that served as an excuse. He had black hair and pale skin. He wasn't chubby, but not very thin either. More than anything, he looked weird.  
  
"I've got my reasons," he said, "So, you're Potter, eh? Is this. What is it. Weasle?"  
  
Ron was about to hit Ivan, but Harry's wand stopped him. "Floatus Above Groundus!" Harry shouted, and as he lifted into air, Ron gave a big yelp.  
  
"What're yeh doing?!" Ron sequealed.  
  
"No hitting the new kids, Ron!" Harry said with a laugh.  
  
"Hey, he called me a Weasle!"  
  
"Well, he didn't mean it!"  
  
"Yes he did!"  
  
"Be quiet Ron!" Harry poked him. Ron couldn't move, his hands were up in the air, but so were his legs. Ivan tried not to laugh.  
  
"I'll fix it," Ivan smiled. "Stoppus Floatus!" he yelled. Ron suddenly was lifted much higher in the air, and his head was stuck to the ceiling.  
  
"Somehow, I don't find this particularly funny!" Ron shrieked.  
  
"I do, sort of," Harry laughed. "Ivan, you've got it all wrong. You need to remember that the floor and the ceiling here are pretty tentative. It's 'Backus to Normalus!'" With that, Harry waved with his wand, and Ron dropped on one of the couches. "Wouldn't they be angry that you're using magic when you're not allowed to?"  
  
"No, no, I doubt it!" Ivan laughed suspiciously.  
  
"Well, okay then," Harry looked at him oddly, but then turned to look at Ron, "okay there, buddy?"  
  
Ron straightened his robe. "One day, when you won't even notice." he muttered.  
  
"You'll do what exactly, Ron? You know I can back away from any of your spells."  
  
"I'll learn new ones! We've got the Grangegirl for that."  
  
"Righty-ho, Ronners, you do that. I'll be sure to watch my back." Harry turned back to Ivan, but made a quick nod with his head, "Ooops, don't you be putting any crazy spells on me now!"  
  
"Oh just be quiet." Ron smirked and went upstairs to his room. Harry turned to talk to Ivan.  
  
"So, what is it that you said about being here?"  
  
"Didn't know I said a thing!" Ivan tried to sound shifty.  
  
"Well, you better tell me now, because I'm not really into the whole letting random strangers know our password thing."  
  
"I'm telling you, I knew it! But I forgot. My memory from yesterday and backwards is wiped, and I'm still puzzled about today." Ivan shrugged, "I hope you don't think I'm an intruder! Ask anyone!"  
  
"That's quite alright, Lil' Bono. I'll survive. I'm sure that Hogwarts have enough security to prevent these things from happening." Harry turned to leave, "I gotta go to class now. Tell Ronster he better hurry, don't need Snape on our backs." He left the room, and Ivan stood there, looking.  
  
"My first day at Hogwarts, and I've already got Potter and Weasle. Perfect. Absolutely perfect." 


End file.
